Nutmeg…no, we’re not friends.


Can I quote one of my old song lyrics?


Friendship is spending time,
it’s both a means and end,
so if you’ve got no time,
then we’re no longer friends.


I’ve always had a lot of acquaintances. Drinking buddies, movie buddies, show buddies, scene buddies, work buddies, etc. If your definition of friendship is loose enough, you might argue that I’ve had hundreds of friends. Facebook suggests that I have 128 friends, which is a decent number I guess.

Of course, none of that changes the fact I spend most of my weekend nights at home with Sarah or drinking at a bar with one or two people. Most of these so-called friends have slotted me in to their calendar when it was convenient for them without any genuine interest in spending time with me. For a few months they may be very interested in quality time in Pickabarland. Then they get a new romantic interest, or they find a new hobby and poof I’m back to torturing Sarah with details about the usage of dynamic mics versus condenser mics on a Friday night.

Got nothing to do and no one is returning your calls? Ring up Gerrard!

Going to on awesome party with some of your school friends on Saturday? What’s a Gerrard?

As I’ve gotten older my interest in this “when you’ve got nothing else to do” level of friendship has dropped to almost nil. There’s no animosity behind that. I know that everyone is faced with more options to fill their free time than actual free time. I respect that. I make the same choices. Sometimes that means being honest with myself and admitting that I’m just not that interested in hanging out with someone.

I also understand that as people get older their priorities change. Instead of hanging out with friends drinking and running around the streets like kids, they may prefer a quiet evening with their significant other. Instead of hanging out a couple of times a week, they may prefer getting coffee once a month or every other month. It’s all part of growing up.

I respect that. I’m just not interested in it. I invest a lot in my friendships and I don’t think that investment is worthwhile for people who have me low on their list of priorities. No hard feelings, but I’d rather focus on the people who genuinely enjoy my company and want to share their most precious commodity with me. If I’m going to make sacrifices for people and do people favors, I want it to be for the people who do the same for me.

Even if that’s just four people.

Anyway, what do I lose? Either way it means weekend nights spent watching Law & Order marathons with Hoads.

The next Pickabar song will be more positive, but I needed to get one more polemic out of my system. For your pleasure:




Do you remember when you were lonely?
I don’t believe that you really do.
I remember you always used to call me,
now it seems you hardly never do.

  you’re a loser 
  we’re not friends 
  you’re just a user 
  we’re not friends

  no we’re not friends!
  no we’re not friends!

Remember all the fun we had last summer?
You were there for every barbecue.
I remember you were always down to party.
When the weather got cold so did you


I’m not saying that I’m angry.
That’s just not the way i choose to live.
I’m not saying that you owe me,
my time is something that I freely give


You put all of your eggs in one basket.
your picket fence dreams have almost all come true.
but don’t start counting chickens ’til they’ve hatched girl,
what happens if he breaks up with you?


[[Download MP3][1]]


My birthday is on Tuesday, but I’m celebrating tonight. Please do me the favor of lifting a beverage of your choice at some point tonight. Toast to 32 years of…something.

[1]: /music/pickabar - nutmeg.mp3