7 Things I Expected to Grow Out of By Now

1. Acne.
2. Punching walls. Looks stupid, accomplishes nothing. Actually, let’s just say it is stupid.
3. Caring what people think about my outfit. Yesterday, someone complimented my Robert Johnson t-shirt and I couldn’t stop smiling for half an hour.
4. Drinking on an empty stomach. It’s the same old recipe for disaster. “How did I get so drunk last night? Oh yeah, I had a pack of skittles for dinner.”
5. Being embarrassed when someone says “Oh my god! You’ve never heard of [insert name of esoteric band who only recorded one song on a boom box in 1983]?”
6. Pizza. I had it for lunch and dinner yesterday.
7. Chronic impatience. I’m always late and I always take forever to get things done, but if someone doesn’t respond to one of my texts in five minutes I start imagining that they have disowned me as a friend. If someone is 15 minutes late to meet me somewhere I start wondering if they’ve been kidnapped off of the street.